Things that keep me from sleeping...

For my father and mother who were there in my beginning and
as for my husband who had better be there in the end, baby!

Life blisters by at mach speed. Reunion is but a splinter of an eternal moment away…

If this is the essence of all things that I hold dear just as trusting in a divine plan, then why did I wake up in a sweat at 4 in the morning?

Earth to Ana..what about? “Feed your fears and your faith will starve. Feed your faith, and your fears will.” MLucado

Earlier in the day the post brought us some mail directly from Uncle Sam's very own office of Social Security describing future retirement benefits for my husband.  In hand, I began to peruse actuarial predictions as to what moneys we could count on, for how long and when.  Retirement can be a beautiful event!

I carefully digested all the pages until I came to the overview of his profile! Screech,choke and halt! All of it; just all of it caught my attention. Just as I glanced over the predicted date of retirement, my eyes landed on the tarmac of terror:  the last entry read: predicted date of life expectancy.  Tony's stochastic model stated that he had a latently enthusiastic 26 more years to live. Gulp! This disturbing piece of news only came to grip me hours later to the tune of this reflection 'matutina'.  It just didn't sound like much time and later I toyed with the numbers and decided not to arithmetically visit every depressing detail.  Typically, we don't meander over these types of projections over dinner or friendly cocktail banter.  If I recall, the last time I calculated age, I was ten and I projected that I would be 40 in the year 2000.  Those calculations are  non-threatening - still. These figures added up to fighting words.

Conversation: Joe and Stan.

-Hi, Joe! Just got my papers from Uncle Sam.  When are you done with this place? 15 more years, Stan.

-Great Joe, I am right behind you.  Say hello to the wife.  I will Stan. Try to swing by soon, her clock is up before ours! Take Care! See you in eternity.

After processing and reviewing potential future earnings, I submit: "This one is for you Uncle!" Say what you will, but I plan to hang on like a lifeline to scripture.  Mark 13: “But concerning that day or that hour, no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father."

Take that Uncle Sam! ...For a moment, I was infected with a hearty dose of Medicare Creepers.  We will take the money and discard the statistics, thank you very much.

I had a glass of soy and walked back to bed.  I puffed up my pillows and grabbed onto my husband's hand until morning.  I will take it... 26 years...maybe more or even less, but I will take it and I will love every moment of it.

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Some days are diamonds

After a brief stay vacation to Emmaus over this past weekend, I  came home as I always do, with a more profound appreciation of the greater goods that populate my world.  It's an Emmaus-zing feeling to recognize that although some days are stones; these days translate into diamonds.  

Thank you to all on the road! My path is full of colors and lights. This walk is paved with beacons of faith and love!  How lucky can this girl get?  

This time last year, our days were full of graduation and wedding plans; and what a singular and priceless time that was!  The flurry and fantasy is now in the past.  

Today, a perfectly good Monday, the Monday after Emmaus, I am plucking out a chapter from memory lane, the first reading selected by my daughter and son in law for their wedding and am blogging it over to my partner in life.  I think we can own it as well.

Song of Solomon 2:17

8 The voice of my beloved! Behold, he comes, leaping over the mountains, bounding over the hills.

9 My beloved is like a gazelle or a young stag. Behold, there he stands behind our wall, gazing through the windows, looking through the lattice.

10 My beloved speaks and says to me: "Arise, my love, my beautiful one, and come away,

11 for behold, the winter is past; the rain is over and gone.

12 The flowers appear on the earth, the time of singing has come, and the voice of the turtledove is heard in our land.

13 The fig tree ripens its figs, and the vines are in blossom; they give forth fragrance. Arise, my love, my beautiful one, and come away.

14 O my dove, in the clefts of the rock, in the crannies of the cliff, let me see your face, let me hear your voice, for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely.

15 Catch the foxes for us, the little foxes that spoil the vineyards, for our vineyards are in blossom."

16 My beloved is mine, and I am his; he grazes among the lilies.

17 Until the day breathes and the shadows flee, turn, my beloved, be like a gazelle or a young stag on cleft mountains.

What is left is definitely right!

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thanks to e.e...

As I continue to invade the U-verse of blogs, I introduce: [what is left is right], a journey   of discovery dedicated solely to all of the goodness that personally shapes and defines the myopic world I happily embrace. 

Aaaaand, Before I continue to launch a barrage of 'norm de plume', allow me to give credit where credit is due.



'Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom is no fickleness, neither shadow of turning.' James 1:17

As I hit the pavement and get ready to spew out some more words, I thank enlightened thinkers such as Kahlil Gibran, that have explored the beauty of the following concept: joy and sorrow.  I have read these words in many different ways, but I found his approach the most affable to my spirit.

When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy. 

      When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight. 

      Some of you say, "Joy is greater than sorrow," and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater." 

       But I say unto you, they are inseparable. 

In a nut shell: thanks to those bad/ugly days; the good days taste sweeter.  I learned to celebrate the small victories early in life; thanks to sorrow and even joy.


Along the way, I collided with my joy and my soul, Tony.  He has made complete the most important canvas of our lives sharing in faith, love and family.  This journey begins with him and for that reason, I came to revisit the poetry of my preeminent companion of 20th Century Poetry, E.E. Cummings. Side bar: although Cummings paid exacting attention to typography,  his name is written and printed with the usual capital letters in their usual places: "E. E. Cummings.''


I pay homage to Cummings for his timeless poetry and to my husband for his steadfast commitment to our love, life and family.  [i carry your heart with me(i carry it in]

[i carry your heart with me(i carry it in] 
By E.E.Cummings 1894 -1962

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in

my heart)i am never without it(anywhere

i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done

by only me is your doing,my darling)

                                                      i fear

no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want

no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)

and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows

higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

“[i carry your heart with me(i carry it in]” Copyright 1952, © 1980, 1991 by the Trustees for the E. E. Cummings Trust, from Complete Poems: 1904-1962 by E. E. Cummings, edited by George J. Firmage. Used by permission of Liveright Publishing Corporation.

Source: Complete Poems: 1904-1962 (Liveright Publishing Corporation, 1991)  

As for me,  what is left, is right!

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